I'm used to it but...

I'm used everyone compares me to my sisters and likes, because they are funnier and beautiful. I'm used everyone flirts with my friends, no one with me. I'm used the guys I like/love/date always end up liking someone else and leave me all broken. I'm used to not be the center of attention. I'm used to be the shy girl no one talks to. I'm used to be the girl their friends tease joking, because I'm the only one that doesn't complain. I'm used to be the girl with a smile, trying to cheer up everyone, when she cries at night. I'm used to not be the best. I'm used that everyone replace me eventually. I'm so fucking used to it. But it doesn't mean it doesn't hurt.

I'm so tired to being a choice for everyone. Everyone likes me and thinks I'm good enough, until they found someone better. Even my friends, I know everyone will replace me eventually. Everyone had done that, everyone will. Why can't someone look at me and love me just ME, like me just ME. Of course there will always be someone better, but that doesn't mean everyone has to try. Why I'm not good enough for anyone.. not even my friends, not even my family. Why can't someone look at me, like if I was the only girl in the world. Why can't I have a friend that knows my others friends, and knowing they rather me anyway. I hate feeling like this. I hate when someone tease me with something like this, because they don't know how it hurts. I just want to be SANDY, not the sister... or the friend... or that girl.. :( I just want to be good enough for someone, so they will stay with ME, because they only want ME. Not me until they can get better.. :(

What do you want to be when you grow up?

What do you want to be when you grow up? That's the question you ask a little kid, and they say any kind of answers, I've said astronaut, dolphin trainer, chef, etc. Now tomorrow it's my first day of college, and I'm gonna study architecture. All those times someone asked me "what do I want to be when I grow up?" are finally starting tomorrow. I'm so scared, I'm scared of failing, I'm scared it's not the right choice, I'm scared I won't do it, but mostly I'm scared to be there. It's not like secondary when you just wanted to break the rules and "feel cool", or in high school when you realize about some things, and you see you want another. It's not like that, the friends I made there are real friends. The friends I'm going to make in college, one day they will want the same job I do, they will want to be better, and they will focus on themselves. I know it's time, and if I'm here it's because I'm ready. But the real world it's a scary place. It's not as nice as people show it, it's not easy. So you could said so that tomorrow I start for real. I'm really nervous, but right now it's what I need to do. I don't know what to expect, I just know I will do my best. Life is about that, being with the ones you love and love you, doing what you love, and always giving your best. I'm nervous, but in some years I'll be nervous because of a job interview, then I'll be nervous because of my wedding, then because of the birth of my first son/daughter. I don't know what to expect, and that's why I'm nervous. Life doesn't come with instructions, but it does with love, faith, hope, happiness. I just hope I will always be sure about my decisions, I don't want to look back and regret. I just want to do with my life, something different. I want to look back and said: I loved and I was loved back, I did what I loved, I didn't regret about a lot of things, I did my best, I did a difference, I changed someone's life, I made it...