I used to believe that everyone had some piece of kindness and compassion

Today I read something that made me cry, something that hurt me so bad, even though it wasn't me, or my sisters, or my friends. I read an article about a place in México City, where women were raped and forced to work as prostitutes. The article was some kind of interview to 3 women that decided to talk about it, after it was closed and they were safe. They said that they have called them for a job in a restaurant, when they get there, they gave them drinks, then when they get dizzy they rape them, the owner, the guard guy, the waiter, etc. They get raped to see if they are in the conditions to work there, that means being sex slaves, rich people, politics, police man, people with power, go to that "bar", and if they feel it, they can rape the one they want. They hide them in a basement, they sleep 4 hours, they get drugged. If they are a good "businesses" they sell them for one night in a hotel to richest people and more powerful people, they are scared because they know that they paid so much that they feel like they own them. Girls not just from México, from Venezuela, Argentina, Colombia, relate that they hire them promising them enough money, and a job of just a "few dances". Once they get there, their life is over. If they try to escape, to call someone, to get help, they hit them, they threat them by hurting their kids or family, and in some cases they kill them.

And the story goes and goes. I've been knowing for a while that this things happen, not just in México. It wouldn't surprise me to know it happens in every country. But I will never ever understand, how someone could be so thirsty of money to do something like this, just for money. How someone could have the heart of kidnapping someone, rape them, take their freedom away, just so some stupid assholes can pay them and rape them, and "have fun".

I hate this so much, it made me cry. I hate this so much it makes me want to do something, it makes me want to help. But I don't know how. I feel so helpless it makes me feel stupid. I can't help imaging all the kids, woman and men, that are forced to this kind of things, the people that get raped and hurt by someone, just because they have so much money, they feel like they own them. How can I feel better, when the own government men are the ones that rape them, when this "powerful" people know about this and doesn't do anything, because they rather being quiet and keeping some of that money.

I've been investigating about this, and I've read a lot of comments that "they deserve it", the accepted a job in a table dance. But dancing is in fact very different that being raped, and being forced to have sex, being kid napped, being hurt physically and emotionally. It's just fucking different, and they weren't asking for it, how in hell could someone ask for that? The way they treated them was, is and never will be right, no matter what.

It makes me sick knowing about this, knowing that someone could have the heart to sell a woman, for money. Knowing someone could take someone freedom away, just for money. That someone could take some child innocence away, for stupid money. It makes me more sick knowing that government know this, and most of them don't do anything to help. People are so selfish that they are just interested in their own interests. These are the words to this, selfish and greedy; inhuman and ignorant; stupid and heartless; asshole and devil.

 Sometimes I get mad when my parents overprotect me, but when I read something like this I understand. And I wish it would never happen to me, or family, or friends, or anyone. I wish from the bottom of my heart, this could end, here and anywhere in the world.

http://www.eluniversal.com.mx/ciudad-metropoli/2013/esclavas-de-la-prostitucion-vip-en-el-distrito-federal-937522.html

Hola mi amor

Hola mi amor :$ solo te quería decir que eres un angelito, eres mi angelito :$ y nunca te voy a poder agradecer todo lo que has hecho por mi, tal vez me pasaron cosas que me dolieron y me hirieron mucho y cuando no puedo dormir esas cosas me vuelven a doler y las vuelto a sentir, y se que inconscientemente te duele a ti saber que estoy así y que me duelen de nuevo. Cuando estoy contigo es como estar con un angelito te lo prometo que se me olvida todo y me siento en el mejor lugar del mundo, gracias por quererme y cuidarme tanto, las cosas que pasaron ya pasaron, ya no puedo hacer nada no las puedo cambiar, pero si puedo cambiar la forma en que reacciono a ellas o a sus recuerdos, no puedo cambiar como me hicieron sentir en ese momento, pero si como me siento ahora. No voy a dejar que el pasado arruine mi presente, nuestro presente, y nuestro futuro. Te lo prometo que aveces lo único que necesito es que me entiendas, por que estoy segura que no se me va a olvidar y habrá momentos en los que voy a tener miedo. Cuando eso pase, te voy a decir abiertamente que me abraces, que me des un beso en la frente porque te necesito y te amo. No quiero que tu te sientas triste cuando yo lo estoy, porque cuando empiece a sentirme triste me voy a controlar, voy a controlar mis nervios e inseguridades. Y si estas cerca te voy a abrazar. Nunca olvides que siempre te voy a querer con cada pedazo de mi alma, y que lo ultimo que quiero es que estés triste, sobretodo porque yo lo estoy. Por eso te repito y te prometo, que lo voy a controlar, yo soy mas fuerte que mis inseguridades. Y mi amor por ti es también mas fuerte, nunca olvides que eres mi mejor amigo, mi novio, mi amor y mi angelito. Tampoco olvides que te amo con todo mi corazón y que voy a hacer todo lo posible para que siempre seas feliz. También quiero que sepas que si confió en ti, y confió en que todo eso que me da miedo no va a pasar, y que me amas tanto como yo a ti. No te voy a dejar ir. Por favor tu tampoco me dejes ir.

Bullying

I'm pretty sure everyone has heard this word at least once, and I'm also pretty sure that most of the people had talked about someone in their back, at least once... I always say "I don't know why I'm talking about this, or what I'm gonna say" but today I'm pretty sure what I have to say...

People often over use this word, and say "This is bullying" for almost anything. Like 1 week ago was the graduation of my little sister, she graduated from high school, and in the party they made like prizes for everyone like "the most intelligent", "the best couple", "the best dressed", etc. There was a girl that organized that, that changed them all in the moment, she gave "the most bullied" to a girl... in front of her whole family... She gave "the most dumb" to some other girl she didn't liked, and she also gave "the best couple" to this last girl, to her and her ipad. And she said, "because we all know she is forever alone, and no one notices her, just her ipad". I have knew all my life that in middle school, some kid kicked my brother, but this Saturday I found out, he was in the line, 2 kids grabbed him, and another one started kicking him in the stomach. My brother has always been too skinny and too small. Or I can say about the time when in middle school someone printed pictures of a giraffe and placed them on the locker of a tall girl. Or all the times I've seen cyberbullying on tumblr. Or that time in 7th grade when I heard 2 guys laughing about a picture of me as a baby, then when they saw I was listening they said that to my face. Or when a friend told me "You really are ugly", a "friend" and he wasn't joking. People often thinks bullying just comes from people we don't like. Or how my mother hates her name so much, for all the bullying they made her.

And I could continue telling numerous stories about me, my family, my friends and people I don't know. Bullying is something that always had been there, and I'm afraid it will always will. People often says "just don't listen to them", I swear if I knew how I would do it. People don't realize how powerful words are, if everyone knew how bullying ends sometimes, I'm sure people would think twice before doing it. I don't know how to end this, I don't think there's a way to stop it. But most of the time, and in most of the cases I wrote, the people bullying have bigger problems, and they don't know how to solve them, they can't so they try to feel better making others feel less. The guy that kicked my brother, his dad shot the guy his wife was cheating on, he shot him in a restaurant, it was on the news, and everyone knew. I'm not justifying what he did to my brother, it doesn't justify what bullys do to innocent people. I'm just saying that they might react different with a little of compression and with treatment before they do stupid things. Everyone has feelings, EVERYONE. Even Hitler had, but he wasn't treated, he wasn't loved, he wasn't accepted, and everyone know what he did.

I thought I would have a nice end to this, but I can't think of one. I just can't stop thinking that if everyone had love, if everyone had compression, a smile and a friend. The world would be a different place. If everyone knew how much words hurt, how much actions remain.

In 2009 in México City 190 kids killed them selves for bullying. And there were 13, 633 reports of bullying, just in that city. And this is just a city, and just a year. I'm afraid to keep searching. I just kinda wish it could be easily over. :C

Escribir por escribir es casi igual que hablar por hablar.

"Si no tienes nada bueno que decir no lo digas", pienso que es una frase que todos deberían de considerar y tener en cuenta que es mejor el silencio a comentarios inapropiados y estúpidos, igual mucha gente sigue hablando por hablar. Hoy me dieron muchas ganas de escribir algo, no sé creo que hay muchas emociones y sentimientos en mi interior y todavía no logro acomodarlas, o todavía no logro como ponerlos en palabras. Pero tenía ganas de escribir, pensé "Voy a empezar a escribir a ver si sale algo y se me quitan las ganas". No esta funcionando porque por lo visto estoy escribiendo puro mugrero sin sentido. Tal vez debería de empezar a escribir ese ensayo que tengo de tarea. O tal vez podría hablar de mi fin de semana. De mi nuevo tetramestre que estoy empezando. De mi nuevo trabajo. De Joao. De mi familia. De Oliver, el huevito de colibrí que encontré en mi patio y nunca nació. De México y su cultura. Igual podría hablar de educación. O de desastres naturales.

No sé, creo que todos siempre tienen algo que decir, porque al momento de estar sintiendo te dan ganas de expresarlo, y así como hay gente que lo expresa escribiendo, hay personas que lo expresan dibujando, hablando, con música, deportes, no sé. Todos tenemos una historia, y algo que contar, creo que el detalle es saber cuando y como, con quien y en el medio correcto. Espero que todas las personas que tengan algo que decir, tengan a alguien que las escuche. Todos merecen ser escuchados. Todos tienen una historia, el papel que tomamos en la historia de las personas que conocemos se define en como las tratamos.

Es el...

Cuando me di cuenta de que iba a escribir de esto, primero pensé que lo debería de llamar "1 de Mayo", después pensé y me di cuenta de que es mas que una fecha, es el principio de una historia, 1 de Mayo solo fue el primer día de muchísimos. Entonces, ¿1 de Mayo? Si ese fue el día en que Joao me dijo que si quería ser su novia...

Tenía 2 meses de estar saliendo con el, y estoy segura que el se dio cuenta desde el principio cuanto me gusto. 4 semanas antes lo conocí, lo conocí, mas bien lo volví a conocer y pensé, es el tipo de chavo que vale la pena, es el tipo de chavo que ni me voltea a ver. No sé ni como explicar como empece a sentir todo esto por el, tal vez porque al siguiente fin de semana lo volví a ver. Llego a mi casa para la sorpresa de tener un mensaje en facebook, "¿Tienes whatsapp?". No sé, desde ese domingo en la mañana empezamos a platicar y platicar, siempre he sido esa persona que no se abre tan fácilmente, y esa persona que no confía en casi nadie. Pero había algo diferente en el y estaba en lo correcto. Me deje llevar, siendo yo misma. Paso una semana y lo volví a ver. No estoy segura si le gusto, de seguro no. Mi mente e inseguridad no me dejaban pensar otra cosa, ¿por qué una persona tan maravillosa como el, podría tomarse la molestia de siquiera voltearme a ver? Creo que si le gusto, pero todavía no sé. El viernes iré a su casa con mis amigos, que también son sus amigos. No sé porque me invito, no sé como hablarle o como controlar mis nervios, no sé que me voy a poner, ni se que hacer para gustarle. Tal vez ya le gusto y es penoso como yo. Ya estaba en mi casa, yo solo hablaba con Estefy mi amiga y hablábamos de el; también estaba hablando con el, cuando me llego un mensaje suyo, ¿quieres ir al cine mañana? No me acuerdo la ultima vez que me emocione tanto por un mensaje así. Y así transcurrieron 2 meses de estar saliendo, de estar conociendo a esa maravillosa persona que todos deberían de conocer. No sé que hice para gustarle, no sé que hice para merecerlo. Pero se porque Dios me mando a un angelito como el. Porque a pesar de todo, a pesar de ser tan penosa e insegura, si de algo estoy segura es de la capacidad que tengo que querer. Una persona como el merece todo el amor del mundo, y aunque estoy segura que se merece a alguien mejor haré lo posible para ser aunque sea un poquito como esa persona que el merece.

1 de Mayo del 2013, 10:35 pm. ¿Quieres ser mi novia?

Creo que toda mi vida soñé con encontrar a ese alguien, que solo con verlo me hace sonreír, a esa persona que me puede hacer reír  a esa persona con la que puedo ser yo misma sin tener miedo a que va a pensar, esa persona que da los mejores abrazos en los momentos mas indicados (siempre), no puedo ni explicar como me hace sentir, me hace querer ser la mejor persona del mundo, me hace querer hacer todo para ver otra vez esa risa y esa sonrisa, esa persona que me enseña mas de lo que se imagina, esa persona que me hace querer subir el Everest corriendo si el quiere nieve de ahí arriba, esa persona en la que me levanto pensando y en la que me acuesto soñando, el es esa persona que te dan ganas de haberlo conocido antes, esa persona con la que te llevas tan bien, esa persona que mas que tu novio sea tu mejor amigo, esa persona con la que sientas mucha confianza de hacer, decir, lo que quieras, el es esa persona que siempre soñé, el es esa persona para la que hice esa carta hace mucho llamada "dear future boyfriend"; el es esa persona que tanto espere y por fin encontré. Es esa persona que entre mas lo conoces mas te dices a ti misma, es el.

Y me siento tan feliz de ser esa persona afortunada a la que el por alguna razón escogió. Voy a hacer todo lo posible para que estemos siempre juntos, para que nunca te aburras, para que cada día sea diferente, para que siempre tengas la confianza de decirme todo, para que nunca te sientas solo, para ser esa persona para ti que siempre este ahí.

¡Te quiero mucho Joao! Ya sabes lo que significas para mi, espero que, ¡nunca se te olvide! Gracias por ser un ser humano tan maravilloso, nunca dejes de ser la persona que eres. 

What if I died right now... What if I lived forever...

I guess it's a common thought, what if I died right now... Who would cry? Who would go to my funeral? Who wouldn't care at all? What if I did nothing with my life? What if I people don't remember me, because I gave them nothing to remember? What if...

I guess those are some of the questions I will never know, just like I will never know a bunch of other things. What I'm doing with my life, what I am doing so people will remember me? what I am doing to leave something good in people? What if the whole point of it, it's not that people remember what I did or who I were... Then what's the point of it then, doing it for myself? So I can leave for 80 years only for ME, then die and leave nothing here. What's the point of living and dying? Is it finding true love, getting married and having children? Is it making all my dreams come true? Is it living for others, like Mother Theresa? Is it just living... ?  Or just existing? What's the difference? What makes a person living his life or existing in his life. What's true happiness?

I guess I don't know this questions, because I didn't even knew how to ask. But what's really the whole point of it? Who really knows what's the point of life? Or what's the meaning?

I guess it will always be one of the biggest doubts of a lot of persons here. And I suppose everyone has their own answer too. What's mine? I'm almost 20 years old and I don't know what I am here for...

I might not know that, but I know what my dreams are...

I want to marry someone I couldn't get tired of being with him and someone I love with all my heart, someone that's also my best friend and my love. I want to marry someone I wake up next to everyday with a smile, knowing I'm the luckiest woman on earth to have a husband like him. And knowing there's no one else I'd rather share my life with.

I want to have kids one day, I know I will love them with all my heart and I will do everything to make them happy and see their dreams come true. I want to try to show someone what life is about, when they will actually show it to me without knowing it.

I want to be a teacher, more than teaching I want to educate. I want kids or people to learn from me, I want to at least leave something in them. I want to help every kid I have, that doesn't have the support and love they need, I want to give it to them. Because every kid deserves to be loved and to be encouraged in their dreams.

I want to make my dreams come true, I want to make the things in my bucket list.

I want to make my parents proud, I want to give in return at least a little bit of what the have given to me.

I want to still be friends with my siblings, and not having family fights. I want us to still be the strong and unite family we are. I want us to still be silly and still share moments and things.

I don't know what the meaning of life is, but I want to leave with a big smile and a open heart. 

Those things I'll never say

I've always been that shy, quiet girl. Of course I've never been the center of attention, or the smartest girl, or the prettiest and of course not the one with the best clothes. 

I've always been Sandra, jeans, converse and a t-shirt, and a shy smile. Of course I like to wear cute clothes when I hang out, but also I've never been the popular girl that hangs out a lot, so when I brought my clothes the last time, I brought a lot of clothes because I needed them and I brought, jeans, concert t-shirts, t-shirts, etc. And I do have some cute t-shirts, but enough to the amount of time I hang out. I never thought I would ever get the attention of someone I actually like, and actually have dates and hang out every weekend. 

And I know my sisters hate I ask them too much for their clothes. But I never really saw him coming, I never saw coming someone I would actually like to look like the prettiest girl even thought I know I'm not. But sure I will look better in their clothes, than in mine. Mine are for school. And I regret the amount of t-shirts I brought, but I can't change that. 

The last time I asked my sister something and she said no, because she was tired of me asking her things when all I brought was different kind of clothes. I started crying because I wanted to tell her how I felt, she had have attention of guys since she is 15. Not me. So I never thought I would need it, at least not now. I thought I would actually get that summer job and I could brought clothes there. But it didn't happened, I'm broke and I just have t-shirts I won't wear with him, because I know that I'm not pretty, and they definitely make me look less pretty. And I never cared because I felt comfortable, I never cared until I met someone I actually like and care a lot. And I just don't want to lose him, because I'm not pretty. 

But of course I'll never tell my sister's this. Because like always I'll be making myself "the victim". I just kind want they would understand, those things I'll never say. I guess that if I never say them out loud, nobody will understand. And of course I won't tell him, because he will say "I look good with everything", when I know I'm not. And I don't want him to know I don't believe him when he says I'm beautiful or pretty. 

Writers...

Writers are forgetful,
but they remember everything.

They forget appointments and anniversaries,
but remember what you wore,
how you smelled,
on your first date…
They remember every story you've ever told them -
like ever,
but forget what you've just said.
They don’t remember to water the plants
or take out the trash,
but they don’t forget how
to make you laugh.

Writers are forgetful
because
they’re busy
remembering
the important things.


I know that just because I write on a blog it doesn't means I'm a writer, but I really related to this, I felt like it described me.

"A letter to myself and anyone else that might need it"

I saw this on tumblr and I really thought I should had this here too. I really liked it and I hope I always remember this to myself.

87/365 - Drops Of Jupiter
a letter to myself and anyone else that might need it